Gnome Chompski
Chompski's Story *Chompski was born in the cloud castle known as Teh Uberlandz to his brother, Gnome Bitesled, and sister, Gnome Crunchboard, with father Gnome Master Chewtoboggan. His mother died at Gnome Birth. Chompski had a relatively good little-gnome-hood, spoiled occasionally by his siblings playing cunning and often extremely unnecessarily painful tricks on him. His father was fairly distant, and showed little love for Chompski, while showing much love for his other children. * When Chompski was 7, his siblings played an especially mean trick on Chompski. They took his hat, filled it with pudding, froze it, and beat him with it. It wasn't cunning or tricky, but it was painful. He told his father, but Chewtoboggan didn't believe him. This was when Chompski decided to be independent from his father. * At age 15, Gnome Chompski was almost totally reliant on himself. He fed himself, found water on his own, and slept in a new location within the castle every night. He was living the good life. * At age 19, Chompski met a human. It was a traveler that was selling books about humanity. Chompski had a little money, and this large human interested him, so he bought a book about the Revolutionary War. It interested him greatly, even if it did teach him that humans could be fairly evil. The traveler assured him that not all humans were like that. The traveler went on his way, and Chompski had a new interest in something outside Teh Uberlandz. * At age 29, Gnome Chompski had detached himself completely from his family's life. However, one day, his father wanted to show him something. He went with, and learned his father had created a virus to infect humans, turning them into blood-crazed monsters. You see, Chewtoboggan hates humans. He sees humanity as a horrible abomination that must be eradicated. However, because of his previous encounter with a traveler a few years back, he liked humans. So, he tried to persuede his father to not use it. When he refused, Chompski warned him he would fight. So they did. A long fight that lasted 30 days and 30 nights ensued. The following days, there was rain and flooding down on Earth. Many died as a result of the fighting. Finally, Chompski won. His siblings came in, saying they would haul their father off to the dungeon, but decieved Chompski and contained him in the dungeon. *2 years later, his father visited him and said he was banishing Chompski. He put him in a rocket, and sent him down to Earth. However, the rocket got caught in a storm, and hit a time warp. It sent him far into the future, to a time ravaged by zombies and aliens. *Several minutes after the time warp; he wondered around for a bit, until he got tired and needed to lay down. He fell asleep underneath a bunk bed, and was awakened shortly after by the sound of a door opening. He very carefully peeked his head out from underneath the bed and he saw two humans. One of them had a goatee, and was wearing a bright orange hazard suit, and another one was wearing jeans with a ripped jacket, with duct tape covering the rips. The man in the orange suit sat down on top of the bed, and noticed Chompski underneath it. He slowly reached for Chompski, and picked him up slowly, as not to hurt him. And then he walked out the door, with Chompski in hand. * After being sent off in the rocket, Chompski hit another time warp, going back to the year 1962 A.D. He was found by Ripley's Believe it or Not, put on display as an "alien Gnome". After 4 years of being seen as a freak, Jerry E. Whispering Oaks bought him as a prize for a shooting gallery at his carnival. He knew, however, that no one would win, as the shooting gallery required actual projectiles to hit the targets, and the guns used shot blanks, awarding points randomley throughout the game. * Sadly, after many happy years in a tiny box, Chompski witnessed players of the game go crazy and attack those around them. He knew immediately that his father had released the virus. It was 2 weeks until he saw an uninfected human. Four, actually. One in beige pants and a purple shirt, one in jeans and a pink shirt, one in a yellow shirt that said "Bull Shifters", and one in an expensive looking white suit. * "Holy shit guys, look!" the yellow-shirted ones said. "A shootin' gallery! Can we stop n' play? PLEASE!?!?" * "My god, Ellis." the suited one said. "We're being chased by freaking zombies, trying to get to rescue, and you wanna play a game? * "Hell yeah, Nick! I'm good with this gun here. I bet I could win that gnome guy there." Ellis said. * "And what do we do with it when you get it, huh? We can't bring it with us. It'll slow us down. Plus, we lose a gun so you can carry it." Nick says. * "Well, um... I could.. uh... Coach! You can use two machine guns, right?" Ellis says. * "I guess so..." Coach says. * "There, problem solved, Nick." * "Ugh, fine, Ellis. Might as well help you. * Chompski watches as these people use actual guns to get 750 points. * "Hah, got 'im" Ellis says as he takes Chompski out of the box and tosses his SMG to Coach. * Ellis carried Chompski into a house full of wares. He didn't know what to call it. It was full of boxes and stuffed toys. They went through, and find a table with itmes on it. There was a large black, plastic item on the table, along with an odd grayish weapon with what looked like 2 prongs at the end of it. * "Hell yeah, auto shotgun" Coach says, grabbing the grayish item. * "Coach, thought you were gonna use the machine guns!" Ellis said. * "I dunno, Ellis. I don't feel right about usin' SMGs. I feel at home with a shottie." * "Ooh, assault rifle" Nick says, grabbing the black item. * "Uh huh, no way Nick. If Coach ain't using the SMGs, you gotta." Ellis says. * "Screw you, Ellis. I didn't agree to bring that goddamned gnome with us. I'll take whatever the hell I want." * Chompski didn't like being called "goddamned", so he burned the item in Nick's hand. * "Agh, SHIT!" Nick yelled. "That hurt more than Spitter shit." * "I don't think that gnome likes you very much, Nick." * "Shut up, Ellis. Probably just a jammed bullet or something." * Chompski listened calmly as the two argued. * "Gentlemen! Please, settle down. Fighting won't help. Nick, you don't need to be rude. Ellis, we don't need to carry a garden gnome." * "Yeah we do! I love this little guy. He was always there to greet me when I came into the park every year. I need to save 'im. If you guys won't help, I'll go by myself." * "Ellis... The first Smoker you find, you'll die. Admit it; bringing the gnome won't help us." Coach says. * "I know he won't help. It's just, I feel like we need to get him outta here. I don't know why. We just need to." Ellis replies. * Chompski looks up at Nick, his scowl lessoned. * "Ellis... Fine. We can bring him. Just drop him if a Tank attacks us, okay?" Nick asks. * "Okay." * They continue out into the open. Chompski wonders what a Tank is, and why Nick sounded worried when he mentioned it. They pass large bright green boxes standing upright, then pass a red tent. As they go down a ramp, Ellis yells out: * "HOLY SHIT GUYS! KIDDIE LAND!" * "He's like a five-year-old with guns. And a comprehensive grasp of every swear word in the English language." Nick says.